A Personality By Any Other Name Wouldn’t Be As Sweet

Rose Far And Wide by Ave Lainesaar

I’ve been AWOL for a while now, dipping deep into the well of family life, getting caught up in life’s happenings, that I haven’t checked in on the blog for a loooong time. But it’s okay. I’m okay. You’re okay. We’re all gonna be OK.

It’s been an incredible summer and I’m all too sorry to see it go. There seems to be so much more I wanted to do: experiences I wanted to share, memories I wanted to make. Yes, we started school on Monday. Strangely, I’m kind of all set on the planning side of things, but I’m just not mentally ready to transition back to “school mode.” So in one last ditch effort to postpone the inevitable, I want to share a bit about my summer. Perhaps if I keep talking about summer, it will stick around longer? (See how many times you can spot the word “summer” in this post!)

I started this summer well organized and ready. I prepped a summer binder stocked with monthly calendars clearly labeled with all our family’s pre-scheduled activities, daily schedule, cleaning schedule, chore assignments and rotations, summer rules and discipline strategies, personal goals, summer reading program papers including book lists and reading logs, a simple sort of “bucket list” of fun places to visit in our fine state, fitness forms and menu plans for myself. This baby was well oiled and rip-roaring to go! And I used it… for about two weeks. Maybe two and a half. It was a beautiful creation and wonderfully handy, but I just didn’t use it! Why?!

Well, one of my personal goals this summer was to implement some time for Mother Culture. If you’re not familiar with this Charlotte Mason concept, basically it’s about making time for Mom to personally engage in learning through literature — for me, this equated to just about 30 minutes to quietly read to myself during my kids’ afternoon quiet time. Miss Mason encouraged moms to always have three books going at a time: an easy read (novel), moderately easy read, and a difficult (stiff) read. As I have not been able to complete a book on my own in under 12 months for the last 7 years, I jumped on this idea! It wasn’t difficult to find material. I have a plethora of written treasures patiently waiting on my bookshelves. So I made my book list, downloaded audiobooks, and plotted my priorities.

One of the books I chose, a "moderate read” on my list (though it really was rather easy), is If I’m Diapering a Watermelon, Then Where’d I Leave the Baby? by Carol Barnier. It is hilarious and I felt like she was writing directly to ME… How’d she get inside my head anyway? I mean, she described me to a T! Remember my post on Driven Distraction? Yeah. Totally me. Basically, this book was written for the highly distracted mom — a “how-to” of sorts, you could say. She very empathetically describes the personality and sort of inner-workings of said woman, and she gives many tips and tricks on how to make it work FOR you & not against you (which is tricky business, I tell you!) I saturated myself in her wisdom, gleaned all I could of her practical advice, and contemplated her rich (and hysterical) thoughts on just what it’s like to live life as a distracted mom. I took so many great things away from this book! But perhaps the greatest is a deeper understanding of who I am & who God created me to be. How incredibly freeing it is when you can finally understand that you are who you are and it’s okay to be that way... Not that we should stay that way, because we should always be growing in our walks and allowing the Holy Spirit to transform us into the image of God (Romans 12:1-2). But this little bit of acceptance -- I cannot even begin to express the joy it brings!

Not only did I receive a beautiful gift of personal freedom, but I was also deeply challenged. So many times I (and I’m sure many of you) have looked at and studied the examples of Mary and Martha in Scripture (Luke 10:38-42, specifically), and I’ve always viewed myself as a Martha. I’m a mom of four young ones. There’s simply too much to do to be still and sit there! I’m constantly working, working, working, setting things in order, taking care of messy kids, cleaning a messy house, too busy to just sit and be at the feet of Jesus. I have to at least fold laundry or sort mail or organize my contacts on my phone while I sit. It’s all about the multi-tasking, baby! Carol brings the Biblical sisters out again for examination in the last chapter of her book, and for the first time I was able to see a bit of Mary in myself. Now, I’m not all there. (Ha! in more ways than one, to be sure.) But it’s like I’m seeing myself through different glasses now. 

"We need to be reminded that every gift comes with responsibilities and that every responsibility comes with a gift. If we only see the work, we’ve missed the best part.

If you find yourself truly at odds with something in your life, step back for a moment and see if you can’t find a new lens, one that finds the gifts in your circumstances instead of all the challenges. Aren’t you glad that this is exactly how God see us?” (p. 83, If I’m Diapering a Watermelon, Then Where’d I Leave the Baby?)

And it clicked. As a highly distracted, unregimented person, I have resorted to controlling my environment (physical things, i.e. organization) to compensate for my lack of mental  organization. This can give the appearance of “having it all together” (*cough* Martha *cough* summer binder) and is, apparently, often perceived by others as such, but it is merely a facade — a white wash over the jumbled, tumble-down "mess" that is my interior. I have embraced, or rather clung to, this exterior structure and regiment as a sort of means to atone for my true personal “deficit." But there is still a part of me that longs to be able to be fulfilled in my natural, albeit sometime chaotic, tendencies (hello, Mary). I am still trying to figure this out. It is an ever back-and-forth song and dance between the two, and I struggle to find the balance.

I’ve been tapping into the different personality assessments out there lately — I can’t remember all the varieties out there right now as there are far too many! — but I think I’m gaining a little insight as I read & listen. I VERY much identify with this particular book on an almost cellular level. I mean, she nailed it! So I think that this highly distractible character is truly me. However, it is when I am under STRESS that I resort to the polar opposite: structure, regiment, orientation toward tasks, etc. This can be external stress (usually) or even internal stress, because somehow my natural tendencies can even overwhelm me sometimes causing me to retreat into the stronghold of order.

It’s all so confusing to unfold… My personality is so stinking complex! A virtual origami of personalities. Shoot. But I am vastly grateful for the assistance in learning more about myself thus far. (Thank you, Carol Barnier!) And I’m even more thankful for the peace and joy that my own acceptance of God’s acceptance brings! It’s been a long time coming. Thank you, Jesus!

He Keeps My Eyes Above the Waves

Rough morning for this one, but when tempers relax and tantrums release these are the sweetest moments. I think this is precisely what we look like when we finally stop fighting and surrender to the Lord's will.

It's a new kind of busy around here as we adjust to having another tiny one in our home. Mornings are lazy, errands are few, and there are many many hours spent playing indoors (kids -- since it's been pretty rainy in Iowa the last several weeks!) and sitting on the couch snuggling & nursing the littlest (mom). It's in this quiet busyness that I am able to reflect on God's goodness and offer my constant gratitude for the helping hands of our wonderful family! (Have I ever mentioned how great it is to have our families living so close to us? Seriously. I have no idea how people do life with little ones without help! God bless you if you do it. 1000x more if you do it well.)

However, in the last few weeks before our precious baby girl arrived, tensions were mounting in even the smallest persons in our household. I think everyone could sense things were about to change... Restlessness ensued, patience wore thin, tempers flared. But God is good. In the midst of tumult, He speaks peace. Calms stirring emotions. Quiets restless hearts. And it is when we look to Him, eyes longing; strain our ears to hear His still, small voice. Then we see Him -- His piercing fixed gaze carefully watching. We hear Him -- His whispers wash over us bringing the deepest peace we'll ever know.

Mark 4:35-41 tells of this same phenomenon in the lives of the twelve disciples. It is a familiar story to most of us, but read it again today as though you've never before seen the words. Let the Holy Spirit breathe fresh life into it. 
On the same day, when evening had come, He said to them, "Let us cross over to the other side.' Now when they had left the multitude, they took Him along in the boat as He was. And other little boats were also with Him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling. But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, "Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?"

Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Peace, be still!" And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” And they feared exceedingly, and said to one another, “Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!”

Be encouraged today that in whatever storm you are facing, you are not alone (Deuteronomy 31:6). Though is seems God is not watching, He is (Psalm 121:5). His clear vision for you cannot be clouded (Jeremiah 29:10-14). His loving words of wisdom can cut through any clamoring noise (Hebrews 4:12). His presence brings peace where there is longing (Philippians 4:6-7).



"My soul will rest in Your embrace." -Oceans, Hillsong United

Driven Distraction

This post was written a few weeks ago, but I didn't get around to publishing it until now. A testament of its content for sure...



In a culture where distractions lurk around every corner, desktop, handbag, and back pocket, I find myself searching for sanctuary. 

Maybe I'm doomed. You see, I am a naturally distracted person. I find it difficult to focus on any given task or idea for a long period of time or to focus on more than one thing at a time. I'm that type-A person who needs lists, schedules, and alarms because if that structure isn't there it doesn't happen!

You could say I'm a very organized procrastinator. I require order in my environment to function well, but, since I'm also given to distraction, if I am not motivated enough to stay on my mission I will put it off. Add it to tomorrow's list. Reschedule it. Then before you know it, my to-do list is 12 pages long, and I eventually implode or explode (thankfully not physically, because that would be one monster mess to add to my list!) because of the sheer magnitude of all that needs to be done.

Some people call it "mommy brain," some might call it ADD, I'll call it driven distraction. Why driven? Well, sometimes an idea or task presses SO heavy on my mind or to-do list that I am power-driven like a V8 engine to carry it out & accomplish it. For instance, today I was baking bread (not one of my favorite past times, but one I try to do on a regular basis for my family none-the-less) and while it was in it's final rise, 20 weeks of pregnancy hit me like a Mac truck and I was suddenly exhausted -- I mean flat-on-my-back, can't-keep-my-eyes-open, slurring-words-like-a-drunk tired. I HAD to lie down and close my eyes for a minute. And why not? The kids were playing wonderfully together in their rooms, our delicious, wholesome bread still had 10-15 minutes to go before baking, and the dog (a.k.a. God's handmade foot warmer) was already at my feet ready for an afternoon snooze. Perfect scenario. So I laid down on the couch for a quick siesta. Aaaand I fell asleep. Not long, mind you, but long enough to miss the peak rising time for that aforementioned bread! I jumped up upon the realization that my perfect sandwich loaves would now probably come out looking like a very large rectangular brownie & tended to them promptly, only to confirm 45 minutes later that they did, indeed, look like a very large rectangular brownie. My V8 ran out of gas. Disappointment galore.


"But that's understandable," you say. "You're pregnant. You have 3 young children. No doubt you're tired!" Why, thank you for your gracious concern, but this is not the only example from today. After pulling my sad, browned bricks from the oven, I "re-revved", started a load of laundry, swept the basement floor (where a certain toddler had dumped detergent earlier that morning), carted 2 baskets of clean clothes upstairs to be folded... and as I was returning the broom & dust pan to their rightful post, why not sweep the dining room & kitchen while I'm at it? Then I met with the dish pile that was by now looming very large in the kitchen sink. It was at this time that I began to think how very distracted my afternoon had been. "I should write a blog post about this," I thought. And here I sit. I literally left the sink, full of sudsy bubbles, because I know that if I do not begin writing out these thoughts immediately, they will be forever lost to the black hole in my mind -- that dark and mysterious place where high school math lessons, what I ate for dinner last night, and the loci of my cell phone and car keys go. So I had to deviate, right?


What can I do? I'm constantly being bombarded by chores & tasks, requests from little ones, and my own desire for "me time." Don't even get me started on social media, email, texting, and the lure of all the other propaganda the world throws in your face at every check-out stand or in TV shows, movies, and advertising of all kinds. It leaves my mind spinning! No wonder I'm so distracted.

I have a dear friend who is not like me. She is focused, driven, a "doer." She sees a task to be done, & she handles it swiftly with skill and force. I love this about her! It's everything I wish I could be! But it's not my nature. I'm not her. And she gave me some wonderful & much needed encouragement today. She told me I'm a good mom. Me?! Really? But I'm so harried & scatterbrained! However, what she said she observes in me is that I can anticipate the needs of others (namely my children) and see to them effectively with patience, tenderness, & loving kindness even in the midst of busyness. I'm not here to brag. Her words today both humbled me and blessed me tremendously. You see, I want to be her, but it seems God has gifted me in a different way.


But here's the crux of the matter: No matter where I am in my walk and no matter how many distractions capture my attention, it is my fervent prayer that my life will be a portrait of obedience to James 3:21-25,
"So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.

But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it." (NLT)

This I must cling tightly to & never deviate from! Because when it comes to obeying God's Word, there are no excuses. My personality, tendencies, short-comings, strengths won't hold an ounce of water when I finally come face-to-face with my God and King on that glorious day to be judged for the things I've done (or haven't). He created me. He knows me (Psalm 139). And yet He's still called me to obey His Word. I'm incredibly grateful that I am more than a conqueror in Christ (Romans 8:37) and that nothing can separate me from the love of God (vs. 39), but perhaps the most wonderful & necessary gift for me in all my diversions and preoccupations is the awesome power of the Holy Spirit, who, as I surrender to Him, is transforming me day-by-day me into the glorious image of my Lord and Savior (2 Corinthians 3:17-18; Romans 12:2). All praise be to God!

No, it's not a good thing to be distracted & it can certainly be detrimental to myself & others at times, but if I faithfully give my attention over to the Lord I have to trust that He will work that out in me over time. His time. And right now, I sure am thankful for how He's grown me so far because apparently my kids are benefiting from it, and, prayerfully, so are my husband and others around me.

Where do your attentions lie? Do you live a life of motivated movements, driven distraction, or rapacious roaming? Please share. I'd love to pray for you as we strive to be more One-minded together!